Currently Reading Steering Through Chaos: Vice and Virtue in an Age of Moral Confusion By Os Guiness see related

College or Instant Involuntary Adulthood

I have now been at Cedarville for a week. Getting Started Weekend was horrible, what with tearful partings and millions of urgent things to do. I made more lists Friday-Tuesday than I have in the rest of my life put together. Classes started on Wednesday. I still have to iron out some details about my piano lessons, but otherwise things are going quite well. I had my first experience with syllabi shock yesterday, but am feeling better now. My Honors class is going to be great. We're beginning with philosophy. I discovered I've been philosophizing on a small scale for several years and didn't know it. I feel much more intelligent now. My professors are all very nice. Three told us about their families the first day of class. I liked that. One prof is a little fruity, but I like her anyway. I think she's funny, even when she's not trying. I try to like people if I can help it.

I've met several former homeschoolers. Everyone is very, very nice. You can smile at random people here, and it's very normal. Chapels have been excellent. Quite stretching. Our worship is phenomenal. I auditioned for the travelling worship teams and puppet teams. I didn't get into the worship team (big surprise), but I don't hear about the puppets until Monday. I auditioned to play the piano for the puppet team (they need a pianist for each team), so I'm hoping that will enhance my chances. That would be such a great opportunity. They train you to do ministry, and I think I'd grow immensely. It's also a well-paying job.

My roomie and I are hitting it off nicely. No issues there. We had very different interests and giftings, but similar personalities. My cafeteria job is very boring. It's highly specialized compared with Refreshing. It's like doing one tiny aspect of my summer job over and over for three hours. The jobs you move up to don't look much better. I'll look for something else next semester.

I haven't had time to think very much lately. We talked about what we wonder about in honors today. I realized I wonder about the same things that most people do. It was rather comforting. We also discussed time as a concept, which I'd never thought about before except for contemplating the incomprehensibleness of infinity, which is rather surface, I discovered. Time is very hard to nail down.

Currently Reading The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson (Barnes & Noble Classics Series) (Barnes & Noble Classics) By Emily Dickinson see related

I must say, xanga beats facebook any day of the week, except no one posts anymore but Trisha. Facebook abounds with ways to be superficial, and of those 200 friends, how many do you really have anything to say to? Eight? I'm also tired of being bugged with applications.

Creation was quite fun, I must say. I discovered some bands (Sanctus Real, Leeland, and The Myriad, who signed my cup) and got to laugh at Barlowgirl's painfully off-key vocals. I also discovered I can truly social dance, as I grooved my way through the entire tobyMac concert. It surprised me and everyone who was present. (People are shocked that I like roller coasters too. Do I really seem like such a stick-in-the-mud?) Honestly, I don't know what my parents hate about the whole thing. I think after a point (maybe 35?)  most adults are just too old to camp. It's a youthful thing, for the most part.

Yesterday I spent my Barnes &Noble gift certificate, one of my favorite grad presents because I couldn't save it. :) Oh well. I got the above book. What an English major, I know. (I saw misspellings of 'Creation' last week that made my heart want to crumple up and die. Creashun? Please!) She was brilliant, though. I don't like quick, action reads. Give me something to chew. I also got Phantom, since we ought to own my favorite movie. I was looking at books, and was just called to the music/DVD part of the store. I knew I'd end up buying something there, and I wanted to get a book. Books are what you're supposed to get at Barnes and Noble. Last time I got a gift certificate there, I spent it on the High School Musical soundtrack: the ultimate indignity. I got a lot of fun out of it, though.

My wisdom teeth were removed on Monday, but I am not in much pain and didn't swell up very much. I'm tired of Jello and torn up food, though. I go back to work tomorrow.

I finished re-reading Blue Like Jazz on Moday, and enjoyed it much more the second time. I'm more on the same page as the author now. One of the best things he said was that the most important landmark in Christian spirituality is when a believer falls in love with Jesus. I've always disliked the whole falling in love with God metaphor- it always sounded cheesy to me. However, I've gone through my own 'rediscovering Jesus' (now isn't that much better?) experience over the last month. I'm going back through the gospels in my devotions, and seeing Jesus in a new light. (I was sort of hoping God would show me something at Creation, but I actually felt out of touch there because I wasn't doing my usual devotions in the gospels. I'm actually having trouble re-connecting since my return.) Most Bible people kind of feel distant compared to now. Jesus was such a revolutionary, though. He's not so historical to me now. Every semi-moral issue that I care about now, He championed then, in a way. Mostly, though, I'm seeing His Love for people and how the world was changed by it. He was such a perfect balance of love, justice, and holiness that isn't safe. He always had the right answer, the best response.

Currently Listening The Fantasticks By The New Off Broadway Cast see related

Before I forget: come see The Fantasticks @ E-ACT (just go to the E. movie theater) this weekend, at 2 this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon, and 7:30 tonight. (I'm being assistant pianist again.) It's 8 for kids and 15 for adults, if I remember correctly, and you should be able to get pretty decent seats at the door. We aren't selling too well because the show isn't very well known, even though it's actually the longest running musical in history. It's sort of a classic love story, but it's very imaginatively done. The main theme is the play's invitation to the audience to remember being in love, but it's not as cheesy as it sounds. There are some hillarious parts too, and a surprise or two in the plot. The set is really simplistic, and the cast is small, which makes it a more personal experience when you watch, I would imagine. It's hard for me to describe it because I've never seen it from the audience's point of view, but it's a refreshing show- very different from the average musical.

It's so nice to have a Saturday w/ no work (I took off for the show). My speech class is over (hallelujah!) so after this weekend, life should calm down even more. More time for sewing, creating, thinking . . . I decided not to go to the formal. I was going to go by myself, since I knew there'd be pretty many kids doing that, but I thought there were a lot of other I could do with $35. I got my cap and gown for graduation. Whose idea were those hats, anyway? They can't do anyone any favors. They make it look like your head goes straight up without tapering and then just ends flat across the top, like someone dropped something heavy on your head as a baby. I finished The Sound and the Fury and found it fascinating, if not my favorite book ever. That's what I'm doing my year-end project on- I liked Dorian Gray better but am devoid of inspiration.

I mentioned before that I've been praying to become more compassionate. I've discovered that when people are upset or sad and I don't feel any compassion, I've never shown them much sympathy because I don't want to be insincere. I've always hated insincerity. However, I'm supposed to be Jesus to people, which means showing compassion. I can't always rely on my feelings for my actions and still be acting like Jesus. For example, when I'm crabby, I try to overcome it, but even if I'm having trouble, I'm still supposed to be kind to people. Treating people rudely so I'm not insincere is hardly Christ-like. So to finally get to the point, I've been trying to show people compassion whether I feel it or not, and, interestingly enough, when I do that, often the emotions fall into place afterwards. I'm not saying I'm being gushy, because that really would be insincere. However, not showing people kindness because I want to be myself isn't loving. I'm also discovering the power of praying for help when I can't obey on my own. Relying on the Holy Spirit is making more sense to me.

Currently Watching The Phantom of the Opera (Full Screen Edition) By Gerard Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson, Miranda Richardson, Minnie Driver see related

The blank page has a way of emptying my brain. I should just end my post there.

Our church set up something called Crosswalk last night. It was a walk-through sort of reflection on Christ's last words on the cross, complete with artwork, media, interactive things, booklet with material for reflection, etc. It was very cool. I was expecting to cry my way through it, because I've been cursed with emotionalness, but I did not. One thing that really struck me though: we had to go through a tunnel that had pieces of paper with different sins written on them hanging from the ceiling. If that sin was something you'd committed recently, you were supposed to pull it off and put it in an envelope. I was amazed at how many sins had described where I was at at some point in the last few years. What made me really think was how excuse-less I was. I know that no one really has an excuse for sinning, but I don't even have a semblance of an excuse. Here I am: grown up in a Godly home, gone to church my entire life, even homeschooled. I've had every chance and I've still failed. I can't blame any sin I've committed on anyone else; it's totally on my head. It was very humbling. That was towards the beginning; at the end we took our envelope and did something with it reflecting God's forgiveness, and there was more along those lines. I won't go into that, it wouldn't sound as meaningful in explanation anyway, but it was that much better for what I'd realized earlier.

I really ought to change my xanga name. I can hardly bare its cheesiness. I'm not sure it's worth the work, though, even though I post so frequently!

Highlights of the week: 1) Going out to eat with Leah, and then perusing the accompanying store, which was very us in its uniqueness. I discovered with finality that day that I could very easily become addicted to chai tea lattes. I'd best stay away from Starbucks; that would be an expensive habit. 2) Treasure Island. I enjoyed it even if the show itself wasn't very good. 3) Seeing Erin and Hope's play on Sunday. 4) No work this weekend and no LBC last week. Hallelujah! I do kind of miss teasing my work buddies, though. Lots of humor.

I've done lots of interesting thinking of late, but I can't remember most of it now.

Sorry I keep harping on this, but it's a lot of my life right now. My feelings about college. If I compiled all the sections of my posts on college, I could probably write a book. I've noticed some general phases. I seem to have a new feeling about something related to college every 2 months. First I'm afraid of an aspect, and then as time passes I get excited about it. I've gone through that with nearly every aspect of the college experience: Academics, social life, distance from family . . . yes, I admit, I'm soon ready to be out on my own a bit, not because I think my family is annoying, but because it's soon time. All in all, I think I will be raring to go by mid August. I think I'm going to get about 48 hours per week. If two months of grueling work in the hot sweaty summer kitchen won't get my psyched about college, I don't know what will.